Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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