So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
