I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
