Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
