blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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