"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
