just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
