we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
BRING THE BAGELS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
