i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
