I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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