you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
