would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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