I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
