I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
