its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
