you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is wine microwaveable?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
