I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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