just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
