So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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