Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
