Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
