I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
