the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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