like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
