Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
