Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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