he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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