i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
