My room smells like vodka and shame
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
