So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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