At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
