Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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