I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just high enough for therapy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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