i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
