Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
