So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
