Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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