apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
