I want to walk on stilts...naked
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I could fuck to npr.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
