Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
