I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
