just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
