Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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