i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
