Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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