you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
