I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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