Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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