He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
