I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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