cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
