im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize