Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
