im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
