I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
