I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
