did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
