It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you inspire me to be a worse person
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
