yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
