I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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