Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
