ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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