dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
