I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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