i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
