I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
