Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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