I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
