I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
