Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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