She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
