what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
