I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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