I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
