Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
