Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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