I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
