I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
