All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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