Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
